God Prevails

Ten years old. I remember sitting in a small Sunday School class at my home church during Vacation Bible School, listening to my pastor ask everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes. He told us about Jesus and how He died on the cross for our sins. He then said that if any of us wanted to ask Jesus into our hearts, to pray this prayer with him. (If you grew up in church, then you know what comes next.) After the prayer was said, he asked anyone who said that prayer to look up. Three children looked up at him, including me. What I didn’t realize at the time was that God was going to go to battle for me just a few short years later.

Sixteen years old. Anxiety, depression, and this never-ending fear of dying …  are the feelings that engulfed me for many of my teenage years and into early adulthood. I suffered from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This meant I had no reason for being anxious I just was. I remember not being able to sleep at night for fear of dying when I closed my eyes. I would jolt awake in horrendous panic attacks that left me feeling like a zombie the next day from lack of sleep. These panic attacks wouldn’t just happen at night and then go away. They continued 24/7, 24 hours a day. I couldn’t even tell my parents what was wrong other than I was convinced I was going to die. I started to question my faith and if I had ever truly been saved or not, but God prevailed.

The summer after my sophomore year in high school, my family and I took a trip to Nashville, Tennessee, and stayed in a quaint cottage right outside of Nashville in a town called Franklin. The couple who owned the cottage lived right next door and invited us over after dinner one night to hang out on their patio. I remember hearing all the adults talk about a new book that was just being released and how the owner of the cottage was the publicist for the author of this new book. The name of the book was entitled The Shack. He graciously gave us a few copies to take home with us.

My parents read it first to make sure it would be appropriate for me to read, then they let me read the book. If you haven’t read the book (or seen the movie), you might not understand some of the controversy this book can cause. I’ll keep the summary brief; the main character in the story, Mack, just lost his little girl. She had been kidnapped while on a camping trip with her family, never to be found alive again. Mack felt like much of this was his fault since she was under his watch when it happened. He then started spiraling into a dark place until God started seeking him out. When I mean “seeking him out,” I mean God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit showed up in human forms to Mack to help him through this tragedy in his life. See where this can be controversial? The moral of the book is that God seeks after His children and will never stop going to battle for them.

After I finished reading the book, I felt shaken and seen. I felt like God was tugging at my own heart. I remember feeling overwhelming doubt in my own faith before I read the book, but now I was doubting that I was truly ever saved. I was terrified. I spoke with my parents about how I felt, so they set up a dinner meeting with our interim pastor at the time. After dinner, our pastor took me onto the swing of his porch and talked to me for a long time about how I was feeling and why I was having these doubts. I remember him asking me if I truly felt like I was ever saved, and I remember answering that I didn’t know, but I didn’t feel like it. I ended up rededicating my life that night to Jesus and was re-baptized. Did my battle with anxiety and depression end? No, but that night I finally turned it over to Jesus and knew I wouldn’t have to face it alone.

The Sunday I came down after church to make my profession of faith, my pastor asked me to share with the church why I felt I needed to rededicate my life to Christ if I felt comfortable doing so. So, I did. Come to find out, I wasn’t the only one fighting a battle that no one knew about.

I say all this to say, you aren’t alone in your battle. Sometimes we fight battles that are mental, spiritual, or physical battles, and we feel we have to fight them on our own because, as humans, we like to be in control. But we don’t have to do it alone. God is waiting to listen and to go to war for you in your battles. If you’re struggling with your faith, go to the one Who is the reason we have faith in the first place.

The Bible says in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

2 Chronicles 20:17 states, “You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.”

Finally, the lyrics from “Surrounded (Fight My Battles)” by Michael W. Smith say, “It may look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by You. This is how I fight my battles.” 

- Megan

 ABOUT MEGAN:

We all need a reminder that we are not alone in what we are walking through. If you can you relate to Megan's story let us know in the comments below.